Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam

Essential thinking for reading Catholics.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Just for Ryan Duns, SJ

The lovely and gracious Karen has, often-ish, harped on the visual-free nature of my bloggery. So, here ya go, Internet.
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Over at Ryan's place, he discovered the joys of hot shave lather. (Watch the Google pervs pour forth out of the woodwork.) In doing so, he bought what Karen surmises is the community hot lather shave cream machine thingy. I believe it works by putting a can of pressurized soapy goo shave foam therein and the machine has an element which heats the pressurized soapy goo shave foam immediately prior to release from the nozzle. Sounds very Ron Popeil-ish.

Me? I'm an anachronism and it is widely held that for the most part -- medicine, automobiles, computers and A/V gear aside, mostly -- my views on the last 100 years is that they have been a monumental waste of our time. So I shave with a straight razor. This has several advantages. One razor is good for a lifetime, properly cared. Compare that with the cost of cartridges for your Gillette MegaQuantumForce Pi+, it's as close to "free" as makes no difference. (We'll discuss travel shave stuff anon.)

When combined with a decent shave cream (more on that in a sec.), it also gives you an INCOMPARABLE shave and marks you as a particularly adept specimen of masculine humanity, on par with someone who can drive stick shift or ride a steeplechase.

If you like your lather hot, all you need add to the equation is a mug -- an old coffee mug you got with your $25 pledge to NPR (because you love Car Talk even though the rest of NPR is pretty much the equivalent of Pravda for the visually impaired) will do admirably -- or if you feel like doing it the way it would have been done by your valet, you can pop for a double walled mug called a "scuttle."

Here is the basic equipment (minus mug or "scuttle" for ease of illustration): straight razor, badger (no, the other badger) bristle shave brush and a tube (equivalent to 3.25 cans of pressurized soapy goo shave foam) SIX DOLLAR Proraso shave cream from Target.
Dig this serious Flintstone-like stubble action.
We wet the brush with water as hot as can be. In the hot-lather-mug-scenario, you'd just fill up your mug halfway with hot water and zap it in the microwave for 1½ minutes on full power, and let your brush sit in that water for a minute or so as you complete your toilette. Then you drain off all but a teaspoon or so of the water, shake the brush once, dab the appropriate amount of shave cream and you're off.
Just a dab'll do ya.
A few seconds with a searingly hot, soppingly wet towel can do wonders if you do not svae immediately after a shower.

If you are opting to go mug-less, just whip up the lather in the palm the hand.

Smear the face with the very hot, tingly lather. (Greetings Google pervs!)

Get good coverage.
And start! (I practiced by shaving balloons...once you get the hang of shaving balloons without popping them, you're good to go.)
DO NOT EVER BEAR DOWN ON THE BLADE. (Unless you think your cheek looks better detached from your face, or are practicing to perform tracheotomies on rhinos) Light touch. You can hear the blade cutting off whiskers with a "plink." Sorta like "Horton Hears A Who." Make idiotic faces.
Almost done.
Newborn smooth. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

-J.

P.S. You could, if you were deranged, spend gazillions of dollars on a brush. Don't. Pretty much any badger brush will do, and even a boar brush will do -- it has a peculiar...er...scent that might take a couple of weeks to dissipate -- nicely for little coin. As long as you rinse and let it dry quickly and standing up, it will last forever.

P.P.S. For travel purposes I prefer something like this.

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