Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam

Essential thinking for reading Catholics.

Thursday, October 02, 2014

A dark sort of hubris.

"Do nothing from selfishness or conceit, but in humility count others as better than yourselves."
-St. Paul's Epistle to the Philippians, 2:3


Everyone has a San Andreas fault in their character.

Mine, for those of you who are new here, is hubris.

I'm the pharisee in the parable of the pharisee and the publican.

God, natch, doesn't like that. I'spose He tried telling me as much "the nice way" but I was too self-impressed to notice. So he thwacked me on the melon, and has continued doing so for the last 5 years until the message (the w-h-o-l-e message sinks in) and takes root.

As I survey the landscape of my faith journey, I see that a) I was a closeted jerk, and b) I still have a long way to go.

At first, when Davy was diagnosed with autism, and then when The World Ended I wondered aloud-ish: "Why me? I'm a nice guy. I give to the poor [Starting to sound familiar?] I pray, I volunteer..."

As time went on I realized: "God is teaching me a lesson because I'm secretly a complete jerk." And it's true. I look at people or read something and I immediately -- reflexively! -- think of how stupid they are, or how ill-informed, or irrational or illogical, or tasteless or uncivilized, or "ill-bred", or unsophisticated, etc.

The worst part, the part that pains me most is that I know this is wrong, and I have to painfully wrench myself to self-correct. EVERY SINGLE BLOODY TIME.

I'm too polite (a saving grace in this instance) to say anything, but "I've thought it quite loudly."

This was all brought home when I was watching an argument unfold in a combox. Person A's comments were a) wrong, b) histrionic and vitriolic, and c) violently closed to any correction o any of his demonstrably incorrect assertions.
Immediately, my Evil Alter Ego sprang forth: "What an idiot." But just then, like Peter hearing the rooster squawking the third time, I realized that I'm the idiot. I'm hiding behind either the talents with which I have been VERY undeservedly blessed or superficial trappings.

Basically, I'm sorry. I've sinned against you and against God. And I will keep trying, with God's grace, to improve.

-J.

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